Insurance policy: Troops freezing sperm

"Troops say having their sperm frozen gives them peace of mind in case of death or infertility."

- In case of death or infertility - I'd stay the fuck home. Bush's dumb ass isn't worth dropping a fork over let alone dying for.

Teen didn't want baby, officer says

An uplifting story for all you pro-lifers out there. Abortion IS an option - keep that in mind you stupid idiots that pull crap like this. Great start to life knowing that your dad dumped you in a pile of turds to die.

Hating Hilary - the RIAA and downloading mp3's

"To some extent, at least, the record companies have themselves to blame. Whereas blank CDs sell for pennies at the nearest CVS, the price of new releases continues to creep up in most stores, to the point where movies can be cheaper to own."

A presidency at the brink

"Consider: His is the worst economic performance of any newly inaugurated president since Herbert Hoover. The economy has lost 2 million jobs since January 2001. Bush's economic program promises to create only 190,000 jobs this year under the administration's own assumptions. The much-ballyhooed $1.35 trillion tax cut of 2001 has evidently failed to rescue the economy, yet Bush promises more of the same."

AOL Time Warner loses $100 Billion

"AOL Time Warner Inc., the world's largest media company, on Wednesday posted a loss for all of 2002 of nearly $100 billion, the largest annual loss in U.S. history, after taking a $45.5 billion charge in the fourth quarter to write down the value of assets."

Stonehenge II

"Stonehenge II is about half as tall as the original, 3,500-plus-year-old Stonehenge, which sits on Salisbury Plain north of Salisbury, England."

16th Annual AIA Sandcastle Competition

Impressive sand castles.

Bubble Gum Alley

"Bubble Gum Alley. Not really sure how this tradition got started, but for some reason, everyone who passes through this alley leaves their gum on the walls. Covered from top to bottom, this place is pretty odd."

Urban Legends Reference Pages: Photo Gallery (Snake Byte)

"Claim: Photographs show snake found inside PC.
Status: Undetermined."

Celebration Community Is Nation's First To Test Segways

My dad visited this Disney owned town a few years back and came back with amusing stories of its psychoticness. Watch the video of these morons riding Segways (push mowers) while wearing USA sweatshirts. Stupefying.

Girl Brings Crack for Show-and-Tell

Daddy has some magic rocks at home!

PetSMART employee uses dog to mop up urine

"And that's why he was particularly horrified when he watched a PETsMART groomer use his youngest dog, Mocha, as a mop, wiping up a puddle of urine she had created."

Deficit of $199 billion seen for 2003

"Republicans counter that tax cuts, coupled with strict government spending restraint, will help the sluggish economy grow and, ultimately, move the budget back toward balance."

- I counter that have a NON-RETARDED president would move the budget back towards to balance. Out with the stupid - in with the new.

Funny Town Names from Around the World

"Dong Rack (Thailand-Cambodia border)"

3's Cumpany

Hardcore version of 3's company done in Flash. NOT work safe!

Glacial melt turns up treasure

"Then he saw it -- the biggest pile of animal droppings he had ever seen, 8 feet high and stretching over a half-mile of mountainside."

Salon.com | Salon's New Deal

Help support Salon.com - one of the truly few PROFESSIONAL alternative news sources on the web.

Administration of Justice

Scroll down the pictures of the botched and bungled until your eyes rest upon the picture of a certain Peter Charles Unsinger.

a case of curiosities - fine art taxidermy & assemblage

"...Victorian grotesque taxidermy, Surrealism and a touch of the circus sideshow."

- Check out the mounted dog head.

Woman found dead, almost mummified

"A granddaughter told police that she had spoken to Mable Spurlock on Friday, according to police, even though the Coroner's Office reported Monday that Spurlock had been dead for three weeks to six weeks.

The granddaughter told investigators that Spurlock, who was in her bed, nodded and mumbled something indicating that she was all right. But Al Coburn of the Livingston Parish Corner's Office said the woman had been dead at least three weeks and probably longer."

180 degree Computer Monitor (Svga) at Hammacher Schlemmer

"SVGA Version (800 x 600). Same as Item 10244: The Only 180° Immersive Computer Monitor; lower resolution."

- Item 10252 ($650) .............. $15,594.95

New delicacy - 'abalone in breast milk'

"A restaurant in south China's Hunan province recently added several so-called 'nutritional dishes' to its menu - delicacies cooked in breast milk."

Puppet Greetings Entertainment - "Where Puppets Say It Best"

"Tired of the same old boring eCards? Here at Puppet Greetings.com you can send streaming video eCards using our zany ensemble of live action puppets."

UrbanDictionary.com/ninkelnork

"A friendly putdown. In the same family as calling one a Dingleberry but with less harsh connontations."

- My contribution to Urban Dictionary.

By Neal Pollack

My girlfriend Julianne and her store The Escapist Bookstore make it onto a Slate journal by Neal Pollack!

The Onion | I Appreciate The Muppets On A Much Deeper Level Than You

"Please recall, if you will, the night I first showed you The Muppet Movie. It's bad enough that you hadn't grown up loving the film, but afterwards you called it, and I quote, "funny." Not "a deeply spiritual and highly personal statement of ambition tempered by ethics," but "funny."

Hitachi Magic Wand Massager!

Talk about gross misuse of product!